Harry Potter--The Bachelor
by Hollarious
Summary: Harry's in need of a prom date, and he goes on a WB (Wizard Broadcasting) show to find the girl that's right for him.
1. Famous

**Harry Potter—The Bachelor**

By Holly Rachael Zintel

Notice: J.K. Rowling so totally owns Harry Potter, his pals, the Houses, Hogwarts… everything!  It's all hers!  I don't claim to own _any_ of it.  None of it at all!  And I'm not entirely sure who owns _The Bachelor_, but I'm quite sure it isn't me.  It's a show on ABC.  So, please refrain from suing me.  If you do, I'll most likely cry for days on end, and I don't want to go through Kleenex that quickly.  That stuff's expensive.

Warning: The following is a romantic comedy, not suitable for those who think of themselves as manly.  Girlfriend supervision is strongly recommended.   

            __

Chapter One 

            Harry could hardly believe what was about to happen.  He was standing on the steps that lead to the Prefects' dormitory, wearing navy dress robes.  Ludo Bagman stood beside him, looking elated, as if this were the best day of his life.  Harry took a shaky breath, thinking how far this was from the best moment of Ihis/I life.

        Mr. Bagman was beaming at Harry, in that fatherly manner that he frequently used with him.  "Do you need a pep talk, Harry?  'Cause I'd be happy to give you one."

        "No thanks," said Harry.

        "I mean, I _have_ met all the girls, and I can tell you right now who my top pick would be.  The prettiest, by far, is that Oriental girl…"

        "Mr. Bagman," Harry said, raising an eyebrow.  "Have you told the girls anything about me?"  He suspected that Bagman was pulling a stunt similar to the one he'd pulled during the Triwizard Tournament.  

        Mr. Bagman laughed.  "Of course not, Harry!  They already know everything about _you_!"

        Harry sighed; he sometimes needed to be reminded of who he was.  He was Harry Potter, the Boy Who Lived.  These girls only wanted to date him because he was famous.  He thought back to how he'd gotten himself into this mess…

~ ~ ~

        It was a dark, dreary-looking day when, at dinner, Professor Dumbledore announced that Hogwarts would be having a prom in April.  Since there was no Triwizard Tournament or Yule Ball this year, he felt that the students had nothing much to look forward to, apart from trips to Hogsmeade.  

        Lavender and Parvati shrieked in excitement when they heard the news, and then proceeded to giggle madly.  

        Ron seemed pleased.  "Excellent, I'll get to try out my new dress robes!"  

        Harry raised an eyebrow.  "Ron, didn't you hear Dumbledore?  He said we're wearing tuxes, Muggle dress clothes."

        "Oh _man_," Ron groaned.  "Maybe I can get Fred and George to exchange my robes…"

        Hermione, on the other hand, was less than thrilled.  "Oh, _wonderful_," she complained.  "All we need is another time-consuming event that will keep us from our studies!"  

        Harry cast around the Hall, trying to pick out Cho Chang in the crowd.  This year, he wanted to ask her before anyone else could beat him to it.  He spotted her chatting with a couple of drippy-looking guys, and twirling her pasta.  He rose from his seat, said, "Be right back" to Ron and Hermione, and hurried over to the Ravenclaw table.

        Harry knew he had to act fast; this was no time to get nervous and choke.  Cho was a very pretty and popular girl, and if he didn't ask her now, she'd be taken.  

        But that thought didn't keep the bufferflies out of his stomach as he reached her.  "Hey Cho," he said, his voice quivering a bit.  "I just wanted to—"

        "Pardon _me_," the nerdy guy on Cho's left interrupted in a nasally voice.  "I was about to query Miss Chang about something of tremendous significance."

        "Oh."  Harry's felt his heart sink.  "I'm sorry, go ahead."

        The nerd smiled.  "Quite alright.  Now Cho, I was pondering… would you care to assist me in my quest to assimilate flobberworms for once and for all?"

        "Yeah, sure I will, Barnaby!  I think flobberworms are disgusting, and they seem pretty worthless."

        "Splendid!" Barnaby exclaimed.  "Please, carry on, sir," he added to Harry.

        Harry, extremely relieved, continued.  "Uh, Cho, I was just wondering…"

        "Hang on," Cho cut in, "I was wondering something about you, too.  Would you want to go to the prom with me?"  

        Harry felt his mouth drop open in total shock.  Had Cho Chang just asked him out?  He suddenly realized he hadn't answered her yet, and rushed to do so when—

        "Harry!"

        He turned to see Ginny Weasley standing beside him, wearing a hopeful smile.  "Uh, yeah, Ginny?" Harry prompted, trying not to sound annoyed with her.

        Ginny blushed prettily as she bent her head and hurriedly muttered, "Will you go to the prom with me?"

        Oh no.  He'd had a feeling that was what she was going to say.  How could he let her down gently?  "Oh… well, Ginny, I—"

        "Hey, Harry!"  

        Harry groaned.  What now?  Parvati and Padma Patil stood side-by-side, beaming up at him.  

        "You wanna go to the prom with us?" they asked simultaneously.

        "WHAT?"  Now _this_ was a surprise. "Parvati, I showed you a horrible time at the Yule Ball last year!"

        Parvati shrugged and giggled, glancing at her sister.  "A person can change a lot over a year.  We're sure you'd be a blast."

        Had Harry just heard the word "we're"?  "You can't want me to take you _both_!"

        The twins grinned.  "Why not?"

        This was like some terrible nightmare.  The girl of his dreams finally asked him out, and suddenly, he was accosted by bunches of girls who liked him?

        Just as he'd begun to sort this mess out, an attractive blonde girl he didn't even know approached him.  "Yeah?!" he snapped at her.

        The girl looked a little taken aback, but nevertheless asked, "Would you go to the prom with me?"  

        That evening, as Harry was walking to Gryffindor Tower with Hermione and Ron, he told them about his dilemma.

        "So all of these girls asked me to the prom, and the only one I want to go with is Cho!  But how was I going to tell _all _of _them_ that without hurting their feelings?" Harry whined.

        Ron laughed.  "Mate, you've just been asked out by not one, but a whole _group_ of cute girls, and you're worried about how to let them down easy.  I'd take _all_ of them!"

        Hermione made a "Humph!" noise as Harry said to Ron; "You'd like them, then?  Want me to ask one if they'll settle for you?" he chuckled.

        Ron rolled his eyes.  "Nah, I'm all set."  He smiled and nodded toward Hermione.  

        "You two are going together?" Harry said, grinning.

        "I'm afraid so," Hermione replied, matching his grin.  "I decided to indulge the poor boy.  Although I'd hate to see what he'll do to a tuxedo after seeing his dress robes last year…"

        They told the Fat Lady the password ("persnickety pumpernickel") and climbed through the portrait hole.  To Harry's dismay, all of the Gryffindor girls who had asked him to the prom were in the Common Room, along with a bunch who hadn't… and _all_ of their eyes were on him.  

        Fred and George Weasley seemed to be the only male students in the room.  They immediately rushed up to Harry.

        "Harry, every one of these girls wants you to take her to the prom!" George exclaimed.

        Fred was George's twin, and the two looked particularly identical at the moment, both of them grinning from ear to ear.  "Obsessive about you, that one is," Fred said, pointing at a gorgeous brunette.

        George nodded.  "It's true, I asked her to go to prom with me."  His voice raised about five octaves as he imitated her.  "'Sorry, I'm holding out for Harry Potter.  Do you know if he has a date yet?'  The whole lot of them sound like Ginny!"

        "Really," Fred agreed.  "I think I nabbed the only girl who's not fanatical about you.  Luckily, she's the best of the bunch."  Fred winked at Angelina as he spoke.

        The voices of the girls were rising steadily.  "Good Heavens," Hermione complained, "Don't these girls come with a mute button?"

        Harry chuckled.  Fred and George looked confused.  Ron, who had covered his ears with his hands said, "What?"

        "Right," said George.  "Let's step outside, shall we?"

        The five of them climbed through the portrait hole.  Harry noticed that Fred and George were still smirking mischievously.  Apparently, Ron noticed this too.  "Alright, what's up with you two _now_?" he asked impatiently.

        "Well, there have to be at least twenty girls who want the famous Harry Potter to escort them to the prom.  And—"

        "Poor, pitiful blokes like George here, and Neville, will never get a date is you're hogging all the ladies," Fred cut George off.

         Rolling his eyes, George continued, "Really, Harry, you can't possibly dance with every girl at Hogwarts in one evening."

        "Yeah," laughed Ron, "he has enough trouble dancing with just _one_ girl!"

        Hermione elbowed Ron in the ribs.  "I wouldn't talk if I were you, Ron; I didn't see you dancing at _all_ last year."

        Everybody laughed as Ron's ears went red.  Fred cleared his throat and went on.  "Getting back to business, Harry, we were thinking—"

        "That we could hold a contest," Fred finished.

        Harry raised an eyebrow.  "A contest?  What kind of a contest?"

        "The best kind," George declared.  "You see, it would be this contest where witches…"

        "…sort of compete to be your date," Fred concluded.

        There was a small silence before Ron said, "What?" in an impatient tone.  

        Hermione looked disgusted and a little peeved.  "Ugh, that is _so_ degrading to women!  This has got to be the most _insane_ idea I've ever heard from you two, honestly!"

        Fred and George grinned at her.  "Thanks," they said in unison.

        "Look, guys," Harry said, "I don't know about you, but I like to think of myself as a one-woman kind of guy."

        "And I like to think of myself as thin," the Fat Lady's voice chimed in, "but you have to stop and take a look at yourself.  You're a very good-looking boy.  I've been hanging here for a long time, and every boy who looked as handsome as you courted many girls at a time."

        "Oh."  Harry flushed slightly.  "Thank you.  But I _do_ have morals, you know.  Besides, there's only one girl I'd be interested in dating right now.  I just need to find a way to let the other girls down…"

        George perked up.  "See, Harry, you want to let the other girls down easy!  This is the perfect way to do that!"  

        Harry looked pensive, but Ron looked enthused.  "Harry," he said, "this is a bloody _brilliant_ idea if you ask me.  I mean, Cho _is_ one of the girls who asked you to prom, right?"

        "Yeah…" Harry was still skeptical.  "I don't know.  What do you think, Hermione?"

        Hermione continued to look dubious.  "Well, Harry…  In my opinion, any girl who would do this obviously wouldn't find it degrading, as I do…  This _would _be a good experience, meeting new people.  And if you continue to like Cho best, after spending time with each girl, you can still choose to take _her_ to the prom."

        This seemed to seal the deal for Harry.  "You're right," he said.  "I'll do it."

        Harry, Ron and Hermione worked together to brainstorm about what types of things Harry could do to get to know each girl better.

        "You could take each girl to the Astronomy Tower," Ron suggested at once.

        "Ron!" Hermione scolded, looking horrified.

        "Well, what do _you_ think he should do?" Ron said.

        Hermione paused, mid-muffin.  "Hmm…" She lit up, obviously having been struck by an idea.  "Why don't you give each witch a quiz, Harry?"

        Harry raised an eyebrow.  "A quiz?"

        "Hermione, these girls aren't looking to do _homework_, they want to go out with Harry!" Ron exclaimed.

        "Yes, but if we made up a quiz, or a survey, perhaps, each girl could complete it, and the results would show how compatible they are with Harry!"  She looked very pleased with her idea.

        Grinning, Harry shook his head.  "Whatever, you guys.  I'll just be happy to be spending time with Cho."

        "Harry," Hermione said, "you mustn't think that way!  You have to give every witch a fair chance!  If you—"

        The clinking of a spoon on a goblet cut her off.  Professor Dumbledore was standing at the front of the Hall.  Next to him, to Harry's astonishment, was Ludo Bagman.

        "Sorry to interrupt your breakfasts, but we have here today an even bigger treat than our House Elves' delightful Belgian waffles.  Ladies and gents, I'm pleased to welcome Mr. Ludo Bagman back to Hogwarts!"  Dumbledore sat down as Bagman stood up and bowed.  

        "Hi, kids!" he said cheerfully.  "Your headmaster's not fibbing!  I've returned, along with plenty of free copies of Gilderoy Lockhart's latest book, Remembering Remarkable Me!  I'm here to interview you kidlings as you prepare for your first ever Muggle event"—he glanced down at a flashcard he was holding, "the porn!"

        The whole hall burst into laughter at Bagman's slip, but Professor McGonagall looked infuriated and shouted, "Prom!  He meant to say 'prom'!"

        Bagman interviewed students wherever he could find them—at dinner, in the library, in between classes…   Most people stayed in their common rooms as often as possible, to get away from Bagman.

        It seemed that every time Bagman asked a girl, "Who will be escorting you to prom?" they'd tell him they weren't going unless Harry Potter brought them.

        Harry was trying desperately to steer clear of Bagman, but Fred and George definitely weren't helping.  They'd made up flyers about their idea, and had hung up a sign-up parchment outside each common room.  Whoever signed up was sent an owl that carried what Harry thought looked like a very in-depth personal ad, with all of Harry's vital statistics. 

        Ron and Hermione were still arguing about ways Harry could bond with the girls days later.  Ron thought up things like taking every witch out to the lake for swimsuit-clad picnics and Filibuster's Fireworks displays.  Hermione kept reminding Ron that it wasn't swimsuit weather, but all of his ideas continued to include swimsuits.

        Hermione's ideas always involved learning.  She thought Harry should take the girls to the library so he could see what sort of books they read.  "The books a girl reads will tell you a lot about her," she advised him.

        "It's true, Harry," Ron had teased, "just look at Hermione's books!  Only a know-it-all would read that rubbish!"

        Harry knew he couldn't hide forever, and he was right.  The following Saturday, Bagman spotted him while he and Ron were on the way to Divination.  

        "Oy, there!  Harry!" Bagman called.  

        Harry pretended not to hear him, but Bagman was undaunted.  He ran up to Harry and cuffed him on the shoulder saying, "Harry, old boy!  How are you?"  Without waiting for a response, he continued, "Have you got a date for the prom yet?"

        "Why?" asked Ron.  "You want to go with him?"

        Bagman laughed good-naturedly.  "No, but I seem to be the only one in this school who doesn't!  Harry, who would you say is your number one choice for a prom date?"

        "Er—I don't know," Harry lied.

        "Choices, choices, eh Harry?  I bet you're looking forward to Monday evening, aren't you?" said Bagman.

        Harry had no clue what he was talking about.  "Monday evening, Mr. Bagman?"

        "Well, of course!"  Bagman looked at Harry as though he'd gone mad.  "That's the day your new WB show is airing!"

        "The WB?" Harry asked incredulously.

        "Yeah, Wizard Broadcasting network," said Bagman.

        Ron looked at Harry in awe.  "Whoa, Harry!  You're going to be on the WB!"  He turned to Bagman.  "What's he going to be on there for?"

        Bagman raised an eyebrow.  "He's the star of the show!"  Ron and Harry still looked blank.  "_The Bachelor_!" 

        Harry and Ron exchanged worried glances.

        When Ron and Harry arrived in the Gryffindor common room, they found who they were looking for, and they were talking to Hermione.  She looked furious and anxious all at once.

        "You cannot do this to Harry!" she was raging.  "He doesn't need a TV show about him, he's famous enough without that!"  
        Fred and George gave Hermione bemused looks.  "TV?"

        "She's right, you know," Harry said, drawing the twins' attention to he and Ron.

        "What do you two think you're playing at?" Ron asked.

        George fidgeted.  "Um… Harry, we kind of…  Fred?"

        "Bagman wants to make a WB show about Harry," Fred explained, though he looked as fidgety as George, "and he said he'd pay us 2,000 Galleons if we signed a form saying he could make it."

        "Why didn't he ask _me_ if he could make it?" said Harry.

        Shrugging, George replied, "I guess it's because this whole thing, with you and the girls, was our idea."

        "Well, what do you say?" asked Fred.

        Harry looked around at his friends.  Hermione was still wearing a disapproving expression, but Ron was giving him the thumbs up.  Sighing, Harry threw his hands up in the air.  "Sure.  Whatever."

~ ~ ~ 

        And now here he was.  A tiny object floated in the air behind Bagman.  Harry thought it looked like a very small video camera.  "Mr. Bagman?" Harry inquired.  "What's that floating behind you?"

        "Oh, that's just a Memory Capturer.  A Takes picture with sounds is all."  Bagman smiled playfully.  "Don't get out much, eh Harry?  Oh!  Delightful, here are the girls."  He pointed his wand at his throat, muttering, "Sonorus!" then at the Memory Capturer, saying "Initiatal!"

        Harry felt his heart do a somersault.  Twenty-five beautiful girls were walking toward him, all dressed I glamorous dresses and beaming at him.  Cho caught his eye immediately, and he couldn't help but gawk at her in amazement.

        She wore a dazzling red, strapless gown, and her hair was done up in a stylish twist.  That twist kind of reminded him of Hermione's hair at the Yule Ball last year.  He laughed, remembering how that twist had fallen to pieces when she fought with Ron.  His nerves lessened considerably.  _That's what I'll do_, he thought.  _Whenever I get too nervous during this show, I'll think of my friends.  _He then focused his attention on Bagman as he started to speak.

"Hello, I'm Ludo Bagman, and I'll be your host.  I'm here at Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry where we'll be broadcasting from all month long!  Now, let's meet our bachelor… Harrrrrrry 'The Boy Who Lived' Potter!"  The Memory Capturer turned toward Harry.

        "Harry is a fifteen-year-old guy in need of a prom date!  He stands at five-foot-four, has black hair and green eyes.  Harry spends his free time playing for the Gryffindor House Quidditch team where he's a Seeker.  Now, let's meet the Witches!"


	2. The Dating Game

Chapter Two: The Dating Game  
  
  
  
A tiny object floated in the air behind Bagman. Harry thought it looked like a very small video camera. "Mr. Bagman?" Harry inquired. "What's that floating behind you?"  
  
"Oh, that's just a Memory Capturer. Takes pictures with sound, is all." Bagman smiled playfully. "Don't get out much, eh Harry? Oh! Delightful, here are the girls!" He pointed his wand at his throat, muttering "Sonorus" then at the camera, saying "Initiatal!"  
  
Harry felt his stomach drop. Twenty-five beautiful girls were walking toward him, all dressed in glamorous dresses and beaming at him. Cho caught his eye immediately, and he couldn't help but gawk at her in amazement.  
  
She wore a dazzling red, strapless gown, and her hair was done up in a stylish twist. That twist kind of reminded him of Hermione's hair at the Yule Ball last year. He laughed, remembering how that twist had fallen to pieces when she fought with Ron that night, and his nerves lessened considerably. That's what I'll do, he thought. When I get too nervous during this, I'll just think of my friends. Then he turned his attention to Bagman.  
  
"Hello, I'm Ludo Bagman, and I'll be your host. I'm here at Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry where we'll be broadcasting from all month long! Now, let's meet our bachelor. Harrrrry 'The Boy Who Lived' Potter!" The Memory Capturer turned toward Harry.  
  
"Harry is a fifteen-year-old guy in need of a prom date! He stands at five-foot-four, has black hair and green eyes. Harry spends his free time playing for the Gryffindor House Quidditch team where he's a Seeker. Now, let's meet the witches!"  
  
The girls began to walk toward Harry. They all paused to smile and pose for the camera, and then proceeded to shake Harry's hand and introduce themselves. First up was Cho. "Hey Harry, I'm Cho." He smiled back. "I know. You look-"  
  
But he never got to finish his sentence; more girls were already lined up to meet him. "Hey, I'm Jen."  
  
"I'm Kelly."  
  
"I'm Brayden." Harry couldn't catch half of their names, let alone take a good look at them, they were moving so fast. At long last, Bagman said, "And those are the witches! Join us after these messages for more of The Bachelor! .And we're clear! Good job, Harry, bravo. C'mon, grab some floo powder, we're headed to Hogsmeade!"  
  
"What?" Harry said, caught way off guard. "Tonight?!"  
  
"Well yeah," Bagman said in a matter-of-fact way. "Come on, the girls are already there!"  
  
The next thing he knew, Harry was sitting in the Three Broomsticks surrounded by the twenty-five witches, trying to get to know all of them within the next fifteen minutes. He so wished he were back in his Common Room. This was too much to take in all at once. He had to eliminate ten of them tonight? How was he going to do that when he'd just met them all?  
  
Just then, Bagman came over and sat with him. "Ready, Harry? Have you chatted with all the girls?"  
  
"Chatted?!" Harry exclaimed. "I've hardly gotten a chance to meet them all!"  
  
Bagman laughed. "True, true. But we do need to film as quickly as possible, Harry, so I'm sorry, but you will have to choose the fifteen girls that you like best tonight. Okay?"  
  
Harry threw his hands up in exasperation. "But Mr. Bagman, I don't know which fifteen I like best! I haven't had a chance to speak to all of them! How am I supposed to know if I like them based on, 'Hi, I'm so-and- so"?  
  
Bagman seemed to think this was the funniest thing he'd ever heard. "Oh, Harry! This episode is based merely based on looks alone! Which girls do you find the most attractive?"  
  
Harry couldn't believe his ears. "What? But. that's not fair!" "What?" Bagman clutched something in his ear. "Oh! Sorry Harry, no time to discuss it, we're going back on the air now! Just. give one of these keys to every girl you like." He placed the keys on the bar with a jingle.  
  
Harry's stomach knotted up, as he grew more and more nervous. Every witch in the bar was either smiling at him hopefully or glaring at him threateningly. One of the girls looked like she might hex him to death if he didn't pick her. He scanned the crowd of females for a familiar face. Ah, there was Ginny. She was smiling at him shyly. When his eyes met hers, she looked down, blushing profusely.  
  
"Welcome back to The Bachelor!" said Bagman's voice. "Harry Potter will now choose fifteen of these twenty-five lovely young witches for possible prom dates! Go on, Harry. who will the lucky ladies be?"  
  
"Uh. Ginny!" Harry said quickly. He saw one of the keys levitate toward her. She caught it and grinned, still blushing. "Cho!" Another key floated through the air, and was intercepted by Cho, who winked at Harry.  
  
"Um. Jenny, was it? Lavender. Padma. um. Ashley?"  
  
.+.~.+.~+.  
  
"Harry. Wake u-up."  
  
"Yeah, c'mon, Harry, you lucky git! Wake up and tell us about your date!"  
  
"Date?" Harry slowly opened his eyes, and saw one large brown blur, and one large red one. He reached for his glasses, and noticed that he was on the Common Room couch. "You call that a 'date'?" Harry asked sleepily.  
  
Ron and Hermione were standing over him, looking expectant. "Well, what would you call it?" Ron laughed. Harry groaned. "A mess." He sat up, and his friends sat on either side of him. Hermione rummaged through her backpack and handed him a bulging napkin. He unwrapped it, and found a buttered bagel held together with blackberry jam. "Did I miss breakfast?" he asked.  
  
"Yes," Hermione answered, still fumbling through her backpack. She handed him a plastic baggie containing a turkey sandwich. Finally, she pulled a thermos and a can of pumpkin fizz from her bag. "You also missed lunch."  
  
"Wow. I must have been really tired out. Thanks," Harry said, biting into his bagel.  
  
"Well?!" Ron still looked to be on tenterhooks.  
  
Drinking from his thermos of tea, Harry told them all about his "date". He finished the story, saying, "He wanted me to choose which girls I wanted to get to know better on appearance alone! How awful is that?"  
  
"Terrible!" Hermione agreed.  
  
But Ron said, "Terrible?! Hermione, Harry got to choose fifteen gorgeous witches to date! That's every wizard's dream!" "Yeah, well, it was more like a nightmare for me. This gothic girl was furious that I didn't pick her, so she started beating me with this whip thing until Bagman and Madam Rosmerta pulled her off!" Harry complained.  
  
Ron didn't stop laughing until he caught Hermione's warning glance. "Sorry, mate, I didn't mean to laugh." Harry couldn't help but chuckle himself. "That's alright, I'd be laughing if it were you!"  
  
The next week was pretty stressful for Harry. He had at least two girls from the contest in every one of his classes, and they kept waving and winking at him. To add to his stress load, Snape seemed to hate Harry even more now that he had his own WB show, and he gave him three times the homework that he assigned everyone else. Hermione had come up with dozens of date ideas while reading about secret chambers in Hogwarts: A History. She'd also borrowed Lavender's magazine, Wicked Witch, from which she devised even more plans for Harry and the witches. She sent all of her ideas to Bagman immediately, and he wrote back, sounding as though he highly approved of all her ideas. Harry was going to have three dates over the weekend. Tonight, he was going to the Hogwarts library with five girls to test out Hermione's theory that "the books a girl reads will tell you a lot about her". Tomorrow night, he was to go dancing at a nightclub called The Fairy Ring in Hogsmeade with five different witches. Finally, on Sunday, he was going flying with the five remaining witches.  
  
  
  
To My Ever-So-Helpful Reviewers  
  
animegirl-mika: Yeah, poor Harry. But hey, on the bright side, he has four books written about them, and they're all best-sellers! If he only knew.  
  
Mondie: Hello, SuperReviewer, Mushy Banana Boy and Blinky182! Yes, I too heart Ludo Bagman. He's super, and should hook up with Rita Skeeter. Wow, if Conan O'Brien comes to your prom, can I come too? My life-long goal is to dance with him. Oh, I'm glad you like Padma 'cause she's gonna have a big part! Haha, no, it's not bad that you can hear you and I in that nerd's talking! We probably do sound like that! Why, yes! I am H/H! *Evil laughter* But you'll just have to see how the story turns out! You're a great pal, and I loved your review! Thank you, thank you, thank you! *Beams*  
  
RedWingsChica14: *Tears up* Oh, thank you! You absolutely rock! And hey, you like the Red Wings! I must say hurray to this because I am a Michigander!  
  
noodlejelly: *Gets all choked up* I. promised myself I. wouldn't. cry! *Bursts into tears anyway* Thank you! Yeah, Fred and George are my pals, as is good ol' Mr. Bagman. I suppose, since you asked, that I will let you in on my secret. *Whispers* It's going to be Harry/Hermione because I believe that they're destined to be together. Ah, crap, I posted my secret on the internet! Now everyone knows! Oh well, they were going to find out eventually anyway. Thanks again!  
  
QueenOfBananas: I love your name, for I too am addicted to bananas! I'm mucho glad that you find my story interesting! Thank you veeery much!  
  
qwert: Why, thank you!  
  
Wolfbane: Aw, thanks! Oh. I'm terribly sorry, but I will be unable to hook Harry up with the attractive blonde girl that he didn't know. But don't worry, because someone in this story will end up with her!  
  
fopalup: Oh, THANK YOU! That is so nice of you to say that! *Numerous hugs for you*  
  
Shadow Pals: Thanks!  
  
Anonymous Reviewer Whom I Shall Refer to As Ed: Yeah, I heard that J.K. Rowling wishes to hook Hermione up with Ron. But I simply must hook Hermione up with Harry because I feel that they would make the most awesome couple of all time. *Winces* I'm sorry! Please don't hate me! *Hands you a free T-shirt and batch of chocolate chip cookies for your trouble*  
  
Anonymous Reviewer Whom I Shall Refer to As. Um. Eddie: Alrighty! Thanks for the review!  
  
BitterSweet: Thank you for reading my story, and thank you for liking it! You're a swell pal, Newsette! *Hugs for you* 


	3. First Date

**Chapter Three: First Date**

****

         Harry had to admit, he was still as nervous as he had been in the beginning.  The day of the next show, he paid even less attention in History of Magic than usual, and didn't even notice when Professor Binns announced that he'd forgotten his notes, and floated through the chalkboard and out of the classroom.  The ordinarily quiet classroom immediately livened up, and talk of _The Bachelor _filled the air.  Feeling he might be sick, Harry took off for the nearest bathroom.

Ron didn't wake up when Professor Binns left, and he emitted a loud snore as Hermione turned to ask him where Harry'd gone.  Leaning back in her chair, she couldn't help but overhear the conversation that was taking place between the girls behind her.

"You're really lucky to be going out with him," a high-pitched voice was saying.  "He's _so_ cute!"

Another voice chimed in, "Yeah, Ashley, you're one lucky witch.  Have you seen Harry move on that Quidditch field?  _Wow_.  I've got two words for him: Nice arse."

Hermione snickered quietly to herself, sorry Ron was missing this.  But then, she reasoned, if Ron were awake, he might see the expression of agreement on her face.

A third female voice spoke up.  "Oh, Carrie, are you telling me you actually _watch_ those Quidditch games?  I mean, of course Harry's got a nice arse, but I prefer to check it out when he's _not_ playing that icky… _sport_."

Hermione was kind of taken aback.  A witch who disliked Quidditch was definitely not going to click with Harry.

"I like sports!" Carrie said indignantly.

"Good for you.  I _don't_."

As Harry re-entered the classroom, so did Professor Binns, and the class sunk back into its usual coma.

~*~*~*~*~*~

Harry met up with everyone in the Entrance Hall.  He had no idea which girls were going to the library with him tonight, but they'd all been notified in advance by owl.  Harry's shoulders drooped a little when he saw that Cho wasn't among the five girls who appeared in the Entrance Hall.  

Bagman narrated their every step as they walked through the corridor to get to the library, but once they reached their destination, Bagman left, leaving Harry alone with the five witches, the Memory Capturer and Madam Pince, who was watching them contemptuously.  He turned to the girls.  "Okay," he said, "Let's look for a book."

All of them rushed off to different sections of the library except for a cute strawberry blonde girl.  Harry looked questioningly at her.  "Um, how come you're not looking for a book?" he asked.  She shrugged.  "Oh… uh, do you like reading?" Harry pressed on.

"Do you?" she asked him, smiling.

"Well… yeah, I guess.  It depends on what book I'm reading, really," he answered, scanning the bookshelves for the "Qs".  "Uh, what was your name again?"

"Ashley," she replied.  "So what types of books do you like reading?"

Harry grabbed a book off the shelf—Quidditch Through the Ages.  "These types of books."

Ashley lit up.  "Cool!  Me too.  What's your favorite team?"

"The Chudley Cannons," Harry said.  "You?"

"Me too!  Wow, we're going to get along great!" Ashley 

exclaimed.

The other girls were gradually coming back toward Harry and Ashley, so he gestured for everyone to sit down at a large table.  "So, what did everyone get?" Harry asked.

Everyone held up their books for Harry to see.  Hannah had a book Harry was familiar with, One Thousand Magical Herbs and Fungi.  Jessica had Exploding Fluid and You while Ginny had The Life and Times of Priscilla McMurphy.  He noticed that Susan had no book at all.  "Where's your book?" Harry asked her.

Susan slumped down in her seat.  "I don't read," she muttered.

"Oh… you mean you _can't_ read?" Harry guessed.

"Nah, I _can_," Susan corrected him.  "I just… don't."

Harry couldn't tell if she was shy, or what, so he struck up conversation with the other four witches.  He thought Jessica's book looked the most interesting.  "So, Jessica, why'd you get Exploding Fluid and You?"

Jessica's lips formed into a _huge_ grin that made her look completely insane.  "I like fire," she said.  "And _explosions_."

Harry quickly tried to change the subject, as Jessica looked as if she might blow up the next item she saw.  "Wow, that's…"—he paused to cough—"weird, how 'bout you, Ginny?"

Ginny blushed heavily when Harry turned his attention to her.  "Well, I really like fashion and stuff, and Pricilla McMurphy created Sleekeasy hair potion and Cover Witch products, so I thought I'd like to read—" 

A loud snort of laughter interrupted Ginny.  Everyone turned to find Ashley smirking.  "Judging by your outfit, you'd never guess that you're into fashion, Ginny."

Blushing even more, Ginny stuttered, "Um… well, I… I can't really afford—"

"You don't have to explain anything to her," Harry said suddenly.  He was glaring daggers at Ashley, who looked rather taken aback by Harry's statement.  "I think this date is over.  C'mon, Ginny."

Tears forming in her eyes, Ginny let Harry put his arm around her and lead her back to the common room.  

Ron jumped up immediately when Ginny and Harry entered.  "Ginny?  What's the matter, what happened?"

Harry handed the crying Ginny over to her brother as he explained about Ashley.  

"That snobby little wench!" Ron raged, clenching and unclenching his fists.  "Wait till I get a hold of her, Ginny, I don't care if she's a girl, I'm going to teach her to mess with my little sister!"

Hermione, who had been reading on the couch, walked over and led the sobbing Ginny over to where she'd been sitting.  Ron and Harry plunked into the chairs that were on either side of the couch.  "Gin, I'm sorry Ashley said that to you.  Try not to let it get to you too much, she isn't worth it," she said.  

Ginny nodded, but kept crying into her hands.  Hermione handed her a tissue as she asked, "What book did Ashley pick out, Harry?"

"She didn't pick out any book," Harry explained.  "She said she liked the book I picked out, Quidditch Through the Ages."

Hermione nodded thoughtfully.  "I see.  Um… did she happen to mention what her favorite Quidditch team was?"

"Yeah.  First she asked me what team I liked, and after I told her, she said she liked the Chudley Cannons too," he said.

Hermione chuckled.  "Did she now?"

"What's so funny?" said Ron, who still looked very angry.

"Well," Hermione said, smiling, "I just find it sort of amusing that Ashley likes Quidditch so much now, when just this afternoon in History of Magic, she was telling her friends how much she hates it."

Ginny sniffed and looked up at Hermione.  "She was?  Then why—"

"What it sounds like to me is that Ashley thinks she can get ahead in the game by agreeing with whatever Harry says.  And I'm not positive, but it doesn't look like she's earned any more points with Harry than Snape's added to Gryffindor, does it?" said Hermione.


	4. Girls, Girls, Girls

**Chapter Four: Girls, Girls, Girls**

The day of Harry's next date came way too soon for his liking.  He'd been nervous for the past six days, but his nervousness increased to a ridiculously high level when the day finally arrived.

          Bagman had sent him an owl at breakfast telling him to travel by Floo Powder to a place called The Fairy Ring.  "I'll bet anything that place is a gay bar," Seamus warned Harry when he told everyone in the common room where he was going.

Ron and Dean nodded in agreement while Neville asked an amused Lee Jordan what "gay" meant.  Hermione immediately explained that a Fairy Ring was where Veela met for their dancing rituals.

At 9:00 P.M., Harry waved goodbye to Ron and Hermione as the flames in the common room fireplace licked his face, and shouted "The Fairy Ring!"

          Harry stumbled out of the fireplace, feeling sick.  Floo Powder had to be his least favorite way of traveling, he thought miserably.  As he straightened himself up, Harry wondered if the pounding in his head was due to the journey he'd just made, or the pulsating beat of the music.  Making his way around the place, Harry noticed a flashing neon sign that read "The Fairy Ring".  People all around him were dancing, talking and laughing.  

          "Harry!"  He looked up when he heard his name.  Lavender was waving at him from a table where she sat with Parvati, Padma, Angel and Mary.  Parvati and Lavender were wearing the same sundress, except that Lavender's was pink while Parvati's was yellow.  Padma was dressed in a simple, yet fashionable navy outfit, and Angel wore a camouflage tank top and pants.  The hunter green number matched her hair perfectly.  Mary, who was wearing a long, shapeless gray dress, was glaring disapprovingly at her.

          Harry approached the table tensely, noticing the Memory Capturer levitating near the girls.  As he sat down, Parvati exclaimed, "Harry, you look _so_ gorgeous!"

          Flushing, Harry thanked her.  "Um, so do you.  All of you."

          Everyone but Mary and Padma giggled.  Wincing, Harry wondered for the twenty-seventh time why girls did that.  A new song started, and Lavender and Parvati jumped up, shrieking.  "IT'S BB MAK!"  Tugging on his arm, Lavender said, "Harry, come dance with us!"

          Harry groaned.  He loathed dancing.  Looking around hopelessly, Harry spotted Madam Rosmerta walking toward them.  Feeling more relieved than Wormtail when Voldemort gave him his new hand, Harry turned to Parvati and Lavender.  "Sorry, can't.  Waitress is here!"

          "Madam Rosmerta," Harry said, "What are you doing here?  I thought you only worked at the Three Broomsticks!"

          She laughed.  "Aw, I get dat a lot!  I'se not Madam Rosmerta, doll, I'se her daughter, Mondie!"

          Shocked by her New York accent, everyone gaped at Mondie.  "Whoa!  You're like… the spitting image of her!" Parvati said.

          "Yeah, but dat's about da only t'ing we'se got in common," Mondie laughed.  "I'se sho' ya noticed da New Yawk accent.  I picked it up from a musical I adoah, an' me mudda _hates _musicals.  So what can I get'cha's?"

          When everyone finished eating, Lavender and Parvati once again begged Harry to dance with them.  Thinking quickly, Harry reminded them that he hadn't had dessert yet, so they decided to dance without him.  "Hey, girls, wait up!" Angel yelled after them.

          The only remaining people at the table were Harry, Padma and Kira.  "Nice excuse," Padma said, smirking at Harry.

          "Huh?" 

          Padma rolled her uniquely beautiful hazel eyes.  "Oh, come on, it's _obvious _that you don't _want_ to dance.  Parvati knows you don't like dancing, too, she's just pretending to be oblivious so she can get her way.  She does that."

          Harry grinned.  "Really?"

          "Yeah, especially around that Lavender idiot."  Padma shook her head.  "My sister the wannabe."  She reached into her purse and pulled out a massive book.

          Amazed, Harry asked, "How did you get such a big book into that little purse?"

          With a sardonic look at Harry, Padma waggled her fingers.  "Magic!" she said, her voice oozing with sarcasm.  With that, she stuck her nose in the book saying, "Hope you don't mind, I want to finish this."  

          Feeling stupid for asking a witch how she did something amazing, Harry turned his attention to Mary, who hadn't done much but glare daggers at the people in the club all night.  "What's the matter?" he asked.  "You seem upset about something."

          Mary turned her furious turquoise eyes on him.  Harry was immediately reminded of the Basilisk he'd met in his second year.  He wondered if this girl could glare someone to death.  "Can you believe these people?  Their behavior is unbelievably sinful!"

          Harry blinked at her.  "Um… what?"

          "Look at those girls in their short skirts!  Hanging all over those weirdo boys with their long hair!  Why, they're nothing short of satanic!" she hissed.

          Confused and a little frightened by Mary's behavior, Harry scooted his chair away from her.   "Uh… yeah," he said, afraid to disagree with her.  He felt very relieved when Angel came back to the table.

          "Whew!" Angel breathed.  "That was fun!  Potter, those witches can _dance_!  You missed _out_, buddy."  She slapped Harry on the back and took a long swig of butterbeer.  "So, why are you guys all just sitting here?"

          Padma raised her eyebrows at Angel.  "Well, I'm _trying_ to finish a really good book."

          Angel snatched the book out of Padma's hands.  "Dude, it's Romeo and Juliet!  This book _rocks_!  Don't'cha love it how at the end Romeo thinks Juliet is dead, so he kills himself, but then she's not dead, and she's like 'Whoa, he killed himself!' so she kills herself too?  It's frickin' _awesome_!"  

          Padma suddenly looked very angry.  "Excuse me?  Are you some sort of _psycho_?  Death is not something a normal person would consider 'awesome'!"

          "Whoa!" Angel said, laughing.  "Chill, dude!  I'm not saying _death_ is cool!  It's just, the book was!"

          "Yeah, well, I hope you think _this_ is cool, too!"  Padma picked up her glass and threw her pumpkin juice down Angel's front.  With that, she marched out of the club.

          Harry was very surprised, but Mary's reaction was totally different: she started laughing heartily.  

          Puzzled and obviously still in shock, Angel looked to Mary for an explanation.  "I've been praying for something like this to happen to you all evening!"

          "What?" Angel said in a hurt voice.

          Mary smirked.  "You're a scarlet woman, Angel… a wicked seductress.  It's obvious that the devil has corrupted you.  How dare you even call yourself 'Angel'!  My parents named me right when they decided to call me Mary.  Mary was a pure, decent, God-fearing woman, just like me!"  She rose and smiled at Harry.  "You'd be crazy not to pick me, when all the other contestants are sinners.  We're a perfect match, Harry.  God spared you from the wrath of You-Know-Who, so it's obvious that you're wholesome like me.  Make the right decision, Harry."  And Mary, too, trudged off.

          Angel began to cry.  "What did _I_ do?"

          "Nothing," Harry said, awkwardly patting her on the back.  "Mary's obviously some sort of nutter, Angel…  Don't let her get to you."

          Lavender and Parvati came back to the table and sat down, looking concerned.  "Angel, what's wrong?" Lavender asked.  "We could see your mascara running from the dance floor!"  
          "What did you do to her, Harry?" Parvati demanded, looking as angry as her sister when she'd fled a few minutes ago.

          "I—uh—I… I didn't—" Harry stammered.

          "Ugh, never mind!" Parvati exclaimed, exasperated.

          The two witches helped Angel out of her seat and began leading her to the exit.  "We've got to get this girl some low fat, sugar free chocolate ice cream, stat!" Harry heard Lavender say.

          Harry let his head drop onto the table in defeat.  As Mondie began collecting empty glasses around Harry's limp form, she heard his muffled voice repeating, "Five thousand Galleons, five thousand Galleons, five thousand galleons…"

**To the Rockin' Reviewers:**

**qwert: **Sorry 'bout that!  Fanfiction.net was having some sort of technical difficulties or something, and took my fic out of paragraph form!  Curses!  Curses, I say!  Ah well, it's okay now.  Thanks!

**harry lover: **Heh, no worries!  I completely agree, and everything'll come out H/H!

**Princess Potter: **Why, thank you!  And yes… yes I shall!

**VipyGirl831: ***Grins*  Thank you muchly!  And indeed, I'm quite the H/H 'shipper, so don't worry!

**Noodlejelly: **Haha!  Yeah, I'm rather obsessive about Harry Potter too!  Specifically Harry/Hermione…  So I'm glad to hear that you're pro-H/H too!  Oh, dude… it would be so bloody brilliant if J.K.R. would hook those two up!  *Crosses fingers*  Thank you very much for the review!

**Sh*ts and Giggles: **Aw, thanks!  Alright, glad to see you're a fellow H/H supporter!  Woo hoo!  

**Bittersweet: **Hey thanks, girl!  Heh, sure!  If you've got J.K.R.'s number, I'll be glad to call her up!  That's an awesome compliment, and I thank you muchly.  

**LittleLily: **Well, thank you!  You're very kind.  *Hands you a cookie*

**Person Who Said that Hermione and Ron belong together: **Heh, that's okay!  No harm in pushing the button 3 times.  *Sadly* I know, I know…  There's lot of Ron and Hermioneness about the 4th book and such and… *tears up*  I'm sorry, though… I must make this H/H.  I _love_ the idea of those two together.  Thank you for the review!****

**R/H Forever****!!!!!!!!!: **I simply forbid that Noodlejelly go anywhere near H-Triple Asterisk.  

**Dreamcatcher: **I'm sorry to hear that you dislike my story.  It sucks to lose a reader, but I do respect your opinion, despite the fact that I'm pro-Harry/Hermione.  I'm sure Queen Rowling _did_ say all of this, but I've got to stick with my inner-'shipper.  Although I love Miss Paula Abdul, I have to disagree with her song, "Opposites Attract."  I realize that GOF has very clear signs of Ron and Hermione and what could develop between them.  On the other hand, I sense a very deep connection between Harry and Hermione (heh, sorry… I grew up on soap operas and tend to speak like a soap writer!) and would be more thrilled than a 13-year-old who just met Justin Timberlake if the two of them hooked up.  The rambling is totally forgivable!  I tend to do that when I get worked up over 'ships, too!  Thank you _very_ much for saying I'm a good writer!  It's totally cool with me that you posted your rant on my review board.  Thanks for reading as much as you did!

--Holly Rachael :-D


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